First or last, what’s the difference?

Starting university, one is lost, confused, and sometimes even scared and overwhelmed not knowing what will happen next. I remember, four or five years ago, when I first applied to University. What did I want to do when I grew up? I recall being told: “You’re already grown up”. Stop thinking you still have years ahead…You’re already “there”…Now you just have to figure everything out…So start fighting your way to discovery!

So, here we are, about to graduate, still not sure what we’ll be doing. They said it would all make sense. They said we would know what we wanted soon. They said eventually you’ll figure things out. They said that everyone is unsure in first year, but by the time you’ve taken enough courses, you will know…and you will decided what it is you want to pursue..(ie. Once you’ve wasted enough time, passed enough exams and failed a few tests along the way, once you can say: “been there, done that”…then you’ll know)…You’re only starting to discover yourself so enjoy it as you go…everything will fall into place and “you will know” what you want to do soon…

With a semester and a half left till graduation, I finally realized what they meant all along. All this time, they have been saying that, eventually, you will be doing whatever is written for you. It’s not really about you figuring things out. True you have choices along the way and decisions popping up at every corner, but in the end, it’s events and time taking their course as Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala commands them…leading you to your “future”…whatever it may be. I’m not saying that we have no choice in life, no, I’m not even the slightest bit implying that. I’m just saying that for people like me, who never really “knew” what they wanted specifically (because deep down we have a general idea, just not an exact idea) we search for far too long for the perfect ideal career and profession we want to do that we become blind to many opportunities along the way!

It’s not necessarily that you will like something and you’ll want to study it more…It’s just that you will be successful at something, which will bring you happiness, and therefore you will logically want to continue with it…Or you will get used to a subject, start excelling in it, and think: “this is it!”…

I finally understood what they meant. Things will work out in a certain way and that’s when you’ll know, that’s when you’ll realize what you want to be and what you want to do, because you’re already there, working and struggling day after day…

Do I regret my undergrad? Not one bit.ย 

Do I want to start over? Nah, I enjoyed it alhamdulillah ๐Ÿ™‚

Do I wish I studied something else? Nope! I “like” what I’m doing. Because once upon a time, when I first took intro to Biochem, I feared the tough course, studied for it extra hard, understood it well, excelled in it alhamdulillah, and decided: “This is it!”…And that, brought me happiness…

So, what’s the point of this whole thing? What is the big lesson I just learned? What was the outcome of my undergrad? That I should pray istikhara before any decision I make…because ultimately, no matter who you refer to or ask about your future decisions, there is none better than Allah azza wa jal to consult with your everyday (and ultimately whole future) matters ๐Ÿ™‚

Going through this year, I discovered something very strange no one warned me about. A light bulb finally lit in the back of my head. For the past two months, I’ve noticed that it all seems so…common. The days seem familiar to me…It’s as if I’ve already been through my last year of undergrad before…And today it finally hit me…that’s because:

In fourth year, one is once again, lost, confused, not sure where on earth all the time went, how they became what they are, and what in the world are they doing next ๐Ÿ™‚

The only difference is, now they are respected for their degree and considered more mature. And in my opinion, that’s the least society can give back to graduates, for they really went through lots for that piece of paper with the fancy signature and sticker at the bottom!

Now I better get back to reading, 4h year isn’t over just yet!

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6 Responses to First or last, what’s the difference?

  1. student says:

    lol, on a smaller scale, you can relate this to hi school ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. hiddensouls says:

    I guess you can…on a much smaller scale..lol

  3. And on a broader scale, this can be applied to basically anything in life. It’s all about tawakol – or reliance (I think) on Allah.

    very well written as always ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. hiddensouls says:

    very true..
    I was thinking, how sad it must be for non-believers to go through life…at least with us, regardless what happens, inshaAllah we will be rewarded for it..and inshaAllah it’s for our own good…that bit of re-assurance goes a long way with me! (and I think with other muslims too)…It must be tough for them to go on without it..

  5. b2 says:

    I am not sure what you will be doing next year or where you will be. I am only sure of one thing: you have a bright future ahead of you. You will go places and you will leave a remark wherever you go.

    Another thing I want YOU to be sure of: b2 will always be there for you. Remember? win or lose…

  6. hiddensouls says:

    You have high hopes of me…may Allah make them true because I would love them to be true indeed!!!
    And may you have the brightest of futures too…wherever you go and no matter what you end up doing ๐Ÿ™‚
    The twins are out there somewhere…
    I know the bananas will always be there for each other no matter what ๐Ÿ˜€

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