When you love someone, whether it is a parent or friend or whomever…there are undeniable consequences on the way that you see them.
At first, you see them in a very idealistic light. If you stick with the parent example, think of how we saw them as children: They were perfect. Ideal. We would gasp at the thought of them making a mistake. It is as if any powerful love really blinds us.
The next stage is the critic stage……..which may be long or short depending…but it as if for once we think, “Maybe they are not perfect” …And it is as if we test them….Whether it is with our actions, words, minds…being more careful to what they do and analyzing it…And we become critical of this powerful love.
After that, people either become “Ordinary” in our eyes….They make mistakes like everyone else but also have certain characteristics about them…..Their flaws may irritate us.
OR, the love grows stronger. Although it is not blinding, we deal with their flaws in a different way.
We give them excuses.
No matter what type of flaw we may see or find, we find forgivness in our hearts for it.
We try so hard to see things their way, and patch up all their flaws with excuses for them.
We try to appreciate their upbringing, their own personal situation, and look for all the factors that may affect them.
It is as if it is the only way we can see their flaws but not in a harsh light….we accept them and understand them.
And often when confronted with the reality of their weaknesses we rush to bring all their positive characteristics as if to defend the flaws, and as an umbrella to overlook their natural weaknesses and quirks.
I think I understand this most with my mom…….no matter what mood she is in, I always feel like if I see it her from her point of view, she completley has the right to be in that mood. I feel like I can never imagine being harsh on her…. Her mistakes, in my eyes, are not mistakes…Next to everything amazing she offers, and considering how tough it is to be a mom, they don’t weigh enough to be mistakes….She is not perfect, but perfect in her role….
And it applies to a lot of people…. It is like when I love them, I can conjure up excuse after excuse….When you want to love them as badly as you do, it is not even hard. It is so much easier to just give them a break and understand them.
And then I was wondering…
We’ve all heard the hadith about making 70 excuses for your brother/sister in Islam…
Maybe it is also out of that deep love…Isn’t it so easy to give your friends excuses?
Maybe making excuses for others really is a consequence of love,
but it is also our indirect way of allowing ourselves to continue loving, and allowing that love to grow.
Which then makes you EVEN BETTER at making excuses for them,
which makes you love them even more…………