Sometimes you only mean to help…

Sometimes you only mean to help
but instead everything goes wrong.
And you are the bad guy
or the bad girl in my case.

Sometimes the best of intentions
get you in the worst of situations
and you are left wondering why
and hoping for the best.

Sometimes you just don’t belong.
Like me now.
Different.
Bad kind of different.
And sometimes there is nothing you can do about that.

Sometimes you can’t understand,
how something so small,
could become such a big deal,
it sneaks up on you and slaps you. Hard.

Sometimes people don’t know
that all you wanted to do was help.
And you are left not only unappreciated,
but blamed and accused.

Sometimes you don’t know how to explain.
You don’t know how to fix what broke.
You don’t know how to restore your “default settings”
You just can’t start over.

Sometimes you just want to change your name
and change your identity…
and start over…
Maybe you will get it right-the second time.

Sometimes you just want to cry
but you know that it would solve nothing.
Trust me-I’ve tried.
Right in the middle of class-I couldn’t hold it in..
Wiped my tears as they fell so nobody would notice.
Nobody noticed, and nothing changed.

And sometimes you don’t know what to do.
You can’t imagine how tomorrow will flow.
How things will work out you don’t even know.

Sometimes you just want to run away and hide
itikaaf forever in the masjid sounds GREAT right now
well it sounds great everyday…
but if I could hide I would hide there…
in the Ka’bah maybe?! or Masjid Al-Aqsa…

Just get me out of this place!
I can’t think like these people do.
Nor can I calculate little details of life like them.
I can’t blend in or figure out my place.

But I guess those times are good too-
your realize how people you don’t even know can dissapoint you-
and the only one worth caring about,
the only one worth asking for help…
is The Creator of those people… Allah.

And sometimes with a sad sigh,
all you can say is Ya Rabb….
That satisfies me…
Alhamdulillah.

Wow…I’m such a…”Moslem”
I’ve spent an hour complaining..
and in the end: “alhamdulillah”
Shouldn’t I start with alhamdulillah?
So many things to work on….subhanAllah ๐Ÿ™‚

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7 Responses to Sometimes you only mean to help…

  1. Noha says:

    alhamdulilah ๐Ÿ™‚ May Allah increase us in the practicing of our knowledge…ameen

  2. hiddensouls says:

    you took the words out of my mouth…

  3. DaughterofPearls says:

    @ Noha ๐Ÿ™‚ Ameen to your duaa

    @ HS …I might have taken the words out of your mouth, but currently I’m not feeling these words anymore lol….I was kinda being dramatic when I wrote this (of course, what good is any post without drama??) and the thing that was bothering me worked out fine….better than fine…
    the feelings of loneliness (for now) aren’t so much…
    and I actually might fit in here more than I would like to (at times)…

  4. HiddenSouls says:

    lol…life’s a roller coaster ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. DaughterofPearls says:

    Thank you, myself, for writing this 2 years ago and saving me the trouble of writing pretty much the same thing all over again.

    Except this time, every line gets a *1000.

    Sometimes, you only mean to help.

    WHEN WILL I LEARN TO STOP “HELPING”!

  6. hiddensouls says:

    you’re too cute.. i miss you

  7. DaughterofPearls says:

    akkhh…cute…what a nice way to put it …
    miss you more ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

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